And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
