That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
