with your own penis?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
