im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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