what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
