the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
