And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
