girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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