She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
