I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
