how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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