remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
