She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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