There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
