Im at strip club and am horny
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
