I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
