He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
