he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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