508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
In America we eat man semen.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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