Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
