I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
