dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
