I cockslap morals
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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