Already got asked if we're dating
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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