nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
