You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
