Kiss
Puke
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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