we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
