i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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