i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
