Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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