i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
