There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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