you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
