so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
