I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
