I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
