We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
