I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Found the puke drawer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
