I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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