I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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