It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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