I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
