Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
