I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
