You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
