Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
These tits shall not be calmed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
