Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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