and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
