I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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