found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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