y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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