I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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