Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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