I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Your cock deserves a montage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
