Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
