Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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