When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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