i think my mom watched the whole time
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
